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lovely_poet_x3
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Name: Kelsey
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: i luv to talk, chat, play games, trick ppl, scare ppl(sumtimes), party(if i actually could-lol), hang out, do stuff im scared i'll get in trouble 4...thats it!
Expertise: writn poems, writn songs, dancin, chattin, makin guys love me, givin advice, helpin ppl(depends on wut u need help with), flirtin(not all the time--jus with guys), listenin/readin other ppl's poems
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  loVelytOthe3powR
AIM:  sweet_halochik
Yahoo:  tweaticat
MSN: hizousepaurty_x3@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/11/2005
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| I Was Wrong
{PART TWO} . . . But something won't allow me to let you go completely
And I tell myself I couldn't have been fooled for so long
Eluded to what could have been the truth, but what I won't bring myself to believe
is the truth.
You told me things,
Things you wouldn't have told me before.
We were getting so close, unbelievably close.
Our feelings for each other were so strong.
We knew through texting when the other was discontented.
What we had was surreal, but complete reality.
. . . . Mostly reality.
We knew we were ignoring the factors that were keeping us apart,
Officially un-together.
We didn't want to face those things, those people.
We, or well I, just wanted it to be you and me.
I needed nothing else, no one else hardly.
Your presence simply contented me inwardly
Even if I was not content presently, outwardly.
Really it's simple.
I love(d) you. What it is now? I don't know.
Avoidance is what it seems like, feels like.
We went there, loved it, never wanted it to end,
But when that bump, that test (of many), came,
We didn't know how to handle that one. I didn't.
I felt as though you despised, even loathed, me for no apparent reason
And with that assumption, you broke my heart
. . . . Or I broke my heart.
Either way, the heart you held was torn and mending it won't be easy
Because my heart was demolished, crushed, bulldozed, damaged,
And rebuilding the trust you earned won't be a quick recuperation. I'm afraid to make a step forward.
Staying in the past hoping for 'us' is shaky footsteps though,
As is moving on completely. Every time I think about that rainy Saturday...
I mean really think about it,
Something in me really does ache.
I don't even understand it much
But I was hurt immensely.
There's not even an adverb to truly describe the pain that
resulted from that day
And the disbelief the next day.
I feel like I'm going through the 5 stages of Grief.
If I were following the stages,
I think I'd still be at Denial.
I don't think I'll ever reach Acceptance. I lost something so precious, so important to me - your heart for
me, your trust in me, my trust in you, my full love for you.
The pain has numbed now but it's still there.
The only reason I knew the pain was only numbed is because
I read PART ONE of this poem and picked up a pen to add more
And as I continue to mark my heart's stain on the papers,
I feel within me, the pain becoming inflamed as though it all happened
Just a few hours ago - only not to the exact extremity.
Whomever it was that caused it - me or you - I was hurt.
I'm still hurt. . . . ... | | |
| I Was Wrong
{PART ONE}
I thought you were the one, my Tea Cake*
I trusted you.
I gave you my heart!
I believed everything you told me.
I waited for you!
... And I'm still waiting,
clinging onto probably meaningless hope.
You knew how I felt about you.
I never had to say "I love you" for you to know I did.
I accepted you for you.
I treated you the best I could.
And you showed me your gratitude with a simple smile
that always filled my heart.
But then Saturday happened and things were good and Saturday came again and
not a word from you since.
I drove through the flood warning to see you and make sure you were OK
and you shut me down.
That hurt my heart in a way I never thought possible from you.
Your cold stare said it all.
And at first I didn't want to believe it.
And I almost couldn't take it on the drive home through the hazardous
storm as the tears, that I swore to never spill for any male
or sake of 'love,' blurred my vision.
I knew what needed to be done though.
So I told myself I was done with you.
But every minute, every second that passes by with you on my mind
I can't help but feel that it's not over, that it's not done.
I feel like we still have a chance to make this work.
That only brings me to think I may be fooling myself though.
Gosh! It's so hard!
Loving someone so much ...
Not just someone, but you.
I don't even know how to explain what I feel for you,
But you're really important to me
And the way you indirectly and un-blatantly shut me out
really hurt my heart tremendously.
And now... I'm beginning to think I was wrong about you the whole time. ........ .... ..
|*Tea Cake: from "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston|
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| [No Name]
My attraction to you is deeper than simply the physical.
We connect in ways we only understand.
You relate to me like no one else ever has.
Our worlds that we grew up in were opposites with some common
ground ... in an antonymous sort of way.
In the way that I am, you don't make me feel stupid for having a
slow moment or for just saying something that makes no sense.
We have so much in common it's crazy really.
I love the way you just simply care and it never seems to take effort.
You just care.
You make sure I'm ok and want me to be happy.
You'll be sad with me when I'm sad and will try to resolve my problems.
I love that about you, even if you don't fix the situation.
For the most part you just make me feel better.
And those times when I seem angry that you won't drop it,
really I am just angry at the situation at hand
and truly appreciate and absorb your genuine concern.
Every time I just review our commonalities in my head,
it just boggles my mind!
I love being around you, and spending time together in our peak hours (both
being true night owls) is just so comfortable.
It's on those nights that I never want to leave.
| | |
| Just Friends
Known each other for only a week and 3 days,
Yet I've already fallen for you...
or something like it.
We have SO much in common,
Instantly became best friends.
Funny how it all happened so fast.
And here I am, typing up this poem
unable to think about anything else except you.
We're just friends, but with benefits.
And it's not that I would have a problem with it if you ever became UNsingle.
I just am having the HARDEST time trying NOT to fall for you completely.
I have to keep reteaching myself not to expect anything from guys,
and you got me reteaching myself everytime we talk
which is everyday.
I love every moment of our conversations
even when we are not talking and are doing two separate things.
I want to continue being JUST best friends,
while at the same time I am struggling on the inside to keep hidden these feelings for you that are both vague while at the same
time EXTREMELY strong.
This feeling is so new to me.
And I know I've said several times before "I've never felt like this before."
but this is so different on so many levels.
No one has ever understood me so well on so many levels and has had so much in common with me.
No one has actually told me compliments the way you do to my face.. or constantly as though if you did not tell me as much as
you did, your life would not be the same without me knowing.
So the main problem, the main struggle I'm having is keeping this all inside and keeping these feelings hidden...
But what is SO odd is I don't have an URGE to tell you this either (like I have had with others).
I don't feel like I need to tell you all this to keep you.
The feelings are there, but the urgency isn't.
I love that.
What is it about you that has me feeling so different?
I would say love,
But it's something about when I say that word and refer it to my feelings for you,
the flavor of the word, the symbolism doesn't fit...
Maybe because using "love" seems too fairytale
and our friendship is too real on too many levels to describe these feelings as merely "love."
All I know is that something is there...
but what?
--------
Uhh.... not much to say about this... except, this is how I feel about a friend of mine that means a lot to me. He's a really great guy.. and it's definitely true and safe to say he's the best guy friend I've EVER had.
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| Unfixable
Okay.
Let's see if I can do this.
I've been on writer's block for ...
A long time.
I've wanted to write a poem for ...
A long time, but I couldn't find the right words.
I still don't know the right words, but I'm just going to try.
I feel a rush.
This big wave of hormones and lust,
but, also, confusion and ...
A certain agony.
There's an overall average of about 3 of them,
Just coming at me constantly.
But there's about 7 in all that are involved ...
Only 1 of whom I wish would come at me constantly.
Then there's my past.
Just 1 who is persistently at the forefront of my thoughts ...
Taunting me, keeping me conscious about every thought that involves ...
Him.
Him, that 1 of whom I wish would come at me constantly.
That one, from that summer, just keeps coming back.
I want the image, the memory, the experience,
All of it, to be gone!
I don't want to remember anymore!
I just want to be with ...
Him.
But those 3 (or more) hold me back,
Make me feel ...
Dirty, and unfixable.
I want to be fixed, stuck, glued ...
To him.
He makes me feel ...
Right, and able ...
And real.
I like being real.
But real doesn't last very long.
I'm drowning in this overcrowded mind of that past,
That summer.
I can't breathe right.
I can't focus straight.
Everything is colliding, and I'm sinking.
Because of that past, that summer,
That memory, that experience,
I am forever malfunctioned ...
And I feel forever ...
... ..
Unfixable.
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